Wednesday, April 1, 2009


This week has been a little bit of a tough one thus far for me. On Monday I ended a relationship I had been in since mid-January. It isn't so much the end of the relationship that's got me bummed, but rather the reflection of it all.

It was the first time in well over two years that I'd taken the opportunity to get involved with someone. I had been on this long 'dateless' hiatus due to my misfortune with past relationships & had had enough. I decided after my last relationship that I would just take a break & do some things for me for a change. And it's been nice. No man to worry about, deal with, impress, look after, etc...okay...well, I think you get the picture. But most importantly, no 'man drama' as I had experienced in past relationships. NEWSFLASH: We, women, are not the only ones to have drama in our lives. I think 'man drama' is much worse than anything we women could come up with!!!

So it goes without saying that for the past two years, I've not had to deal with 'man drama'...that is until I got involved in the relationship I just ended on Monday. Sheesh! You'd think in the time that I've been out of the dating loop, that the all too common negative things one finds in relationships would have improved. But no, quite the contrary, as I quickly learned, 'man drama' still looms large & in charge among men.

The 'man drama' I was unfortunately privy to, concerned past relationships. The guy I was involved with had not fully dealt with the past year of his life and the relationships gone wrong. He got involved with me because as he put it, 'I was not like the other women he had dated'. (I guess not! I've been out of the dating scene for awhile & had ample time to get over my last break-up!!)

So, what in the world did he think I was going to be able to do for him? Help him get over his man drama??? Believe me, we talked about his man dramas & talked about them until I felt as though I had been through his man dramas right along with him when they happened. It was exhausting & it didn't take long before that inner peace (that I'd spent the past couple of years finding without the presence of a man in my life) to leave me!! What's worse, his past followed him into the present, which was cause for most of the 'man drama' I experienced.

While in the throes of this relationship, I was reminded why I had elected to remain happily single & carefree for the past few years. And I'm not convinced that there's a man out there who has it together emotionally. (At least not the ones that have graced my life anyway!!!)

The older I get & the more I learn about people, I find that everyone has issues to some degree and most people are just emotionally unstable & generally unhappy. Life has a way of throwing curve balls & that's a given. But what most don't realize is that how they handle catching the curve ball determines the outcome!

I don't think I've set the bar too high on my expectations when it comes to men. I believe I'm no different than most women. We all want a good guy in our lives who can have issues but knows how to handle them. We want guys who are emotionally in touch with themselves & us. Above all, we just want a guy who has his act together. Is that too much to ask for????

I have yet to know or understand why I've had the relationships I've had. Granted I've learned something from each one. A good friend once told me that each relationship was a stepping stone to where we were meant to be. I wonder how many of those stepping stones I'm supposed to step across before I reach the final one along my path of life???
Ultimately my post-relationship reflection has been mostly trying to grasp why I was graced with someone in my life at a time when I've been my most content? I wasn't looking for this person when they arrived. Just minding my own business, doing my own thing, bouncing right along, all by myself. To me, the aftermath feels a little bit like a shake-up to my normal routine over these last couple of years. For the past ten weeks, I've tried to balance (and have completely abandoned at times) my daily routine for this relationship.

I'm now trying to figure out why God felt it was necessary to put someone in my life? I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere, but all I've been able to see thus far is the past two months of my life were a waste of my time because the end result was the same as in the past. It was what prompted me to take time off from dating in the first place!!!
I'm also trying to assess if this person was sent to me to help teach me something. This person told me on our first date that maybe he was opening me back up to the possibility of dating again! Hello, but I don't think I summoned him to 'rescue' me from my happily single status!! After all, as I told him, if I'd wanted to date, I would have been out there dating. There's a big difference in not being able to get a date & not wanting a date!!!

Now I'm left having to regroup & return to my normal routines of life. It's one of those things that tells me in time I will know why I had this moment of togetherness with someone, but I sure feel like I've lost a lot of ground in spite of it all. I'm off track & trying to get back on is proving to be a much, more difficult feat than I would have imagined.

Oh the trials & tribulations of the dating world. Why does it seem that there are more trials than tribulations?? And then one wonders why I've chosen to be single? But never fear! I typically bounce back pretty quickly from a break-up (most of them anyway...there have been 1 or 2 that threw me for a loop). I don't feel spending two months with someone will warrant eating a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's!!! But time that I could have & would have otherwise spent on all my other 'non-man related' projects has been lost! That is time I won't get back. Heck, if I wanted to goof off for ten weeks, I could have done that, not had to deal with 'man drama' & not had my peace disrupted in the process!!

Many of you know that I am an aspiring writer & have recently finished my first fiction novel. Thus far, I'm thinking maybe this experience was the making of a good book! there's a thought!

Until next time.....Dawn


Carolyn NC said...

Sorry things have been so rough lately...but eventually, "joy comes in the morning". Hope you have it once again soon. :)

CindyMae said...

I know that things are tuff right now for you, but I do want to say one thing about God allowing you to go through this for the past couple months. No matter what we go through in life, there is ALWAYS good in it!!! Even if we do not think so, God will be glorified in one way or another! He will NEVER give us more than we can handle, He says so! Even if you do not realize the lesson in this, I am sure that He has taught you one or maybe the man you were involved with learned something from this and can now deal with his issues of the past. And heck, maybe the reason for it was for a new novel! LOL, you just never know! If you do end up writing a novel, I want to read it!

Susan said...

All I can say is Wow! This blog could have been written by me. I have been (mostly) happily single for the last 4+ years inbetween the bouts of bad dates. I can say I know exactly how you feel. I too feel that there's time that I'll never get back. For me he confirmed just what I don't want in my life.

There was an article in a magazine that pretty much says it all. "I haven't met the right man yet." That's why relationships aren't working. Unfortunately there's no time limit or guarantee that you/I will definitely find the right one. In the meantime I will concentrate on my daughter until she moves out, (graduating at the end of next month then going to college "down south") my hobbies, and my friends - and not necessarily in that order.