This week has been a little bit of a tough one thus far for me. On Monday I ended a relationship I had been in since mid-January. It isn't so much the end of the relationship that's got me bummed, but rather the reflection of it all. 
It was the first time in well over two years that I'd taken the opportunity to get involved with someone. I had been on this long 'dateless' hiatus due to my misfortune with past relationships & had had enough. I decided after my last relationship that I would just take a break & do some things for me for a change. 
And it's been nice. No man to worry about, deal with, impress, look after, etc...okay...well, I think you get the picture. But most importantly, no 'man drama' as I had experienced in past relationships. NEWSFLASH: We, women, are not the only ones to have drama in our lives. I think 'man drama' is much worse than anything we women could come up with!!! 
So it goes without saying that for the past two years, I've not had to deal with 'man drama'...that is until I got involved in the relationship I just ended on Monday. Sheesh! You'd think in the time that I've been out of the dating loop, that the all too common negative things one finds in relationships would have improved. But no, quite the contrary, as I quickly learned, 'man drama' still looms large & in charge among men. 
The 'man drama' I was unfortunately privy to, concerned past relationships. The guy I was involved with had not fully dealt with the past year of his life and the relationships gone wrong. He got involved with me because as he put it, 'I was not like the other women he had dated'. (I guess not! I've been out of the dating scene for awhile & had ample time to get over my last break-up!!)
So, what in the world did he think I was going to be able to do for him? Help him get over his man drama??? Believe me, we talked about his man dramas & talked about them until I felt as though I had been through his man dramas right along with him when they happened. It was exhausting & it didn't take long before that inner peace (that I'd spent the past couple of years finding without the presence of a man in my life) to leave me!! What's worse, his past followed him into the present, which was cause for most of the 'man drama' I experienced.
While in the throes of this relationship, I was reminded why I had elected to remain happily single & carefree for the past few years. And I'm not convinced that there's a man out there who has it together emotionally. (At least not the ones that have graced my life anyway!!!) 
The older I get & the more I learn about people, I find that everyone has issues to some degree and most people are just emotionally unstable & generally unhappy. Life has a way of throwing curve balls & that's a given. But what most don't realize is that how they handle catching the curve ball determines the outcome! 
I don't think I've set the bar too high on my expectations when it comes to men. I believe I'm no different than most women. We all want a good guy in our lives who can have issues but knows how to handle them. We want guys who are emotionally in touch with themselves & us. Above all, we just want a guy who has his act together. Is that too much to ask for????
I have yet to know or understand why I've had the relationships I've had. Granted I've learned something from each one. A good friend once told me that each relationship was a stepping stone to where we were meant to be. I wonder how many of those stepping stones I'm supposed to step across before I reach the final one along my path of life??? 
Ultimately my post-relationship reflection has been mostly trying to grasp why I was graced with someone in my life at a time when I've been my most content? I wasn't looking for this person when they arrived. Just minding my own business, doing my own thing, bouncing right along, all by myself. To me, the aftermath feels a little bit like a shake-up to my normal routine over these last couple of years. For the past ten weeks, I've tried to balance (and have completely abandoned at times) my daily routine for this relationship. 
I'm now trying to figure out why God felt it was necessary to put someone in my life? I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere, but all I've been able to see thus far is the past two months of my life were a waste of my time because the end result was the same as in the past. It was what prompted me to take time off from dating in the first place!!! 
I'm also trying to assess if this person was sent to me to help teach me something. This person told me on our first date that maybe he was opening me back up to the possibility of dating again! Hello, but I don't think I summoned him to 'rescue' me from my happily single status!! After all, as I told him, if I'd wanted to date, I would have been out there dating. There's a big difference in not being able to get a date & not wanting a date!!! 
Now I'm left having to regroup & return to my normal routines of life. It's one of those things that tells me in time I will know why I had this moment of togetherness with someone, but I sure feel like I've lost a lot of ground in spite of it all. I'm off track & trying to get back on is proving to be a much, more difficult feat than I would have imagined. 
Oh the trials & tribulations of the dating world. Why does it seem that there are more trials than tribulations?? And then one wonders why I've chosen to be single? But never fear! I typically bounce back pretty quickly from a break-up (most of them anyway...there have been 1 or 2 that threw me for a loop). I don't feel spending two months with someone will warrant eating a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's!!! But time that I could have & would have otherwise spent on all my other 'non-man related' projects has been lost! That is time I won't get back. Heck, if I wanted to goof off for ten weeks, I could have done that, not had to deal with 'man drama' & not had my peace disrupted in the process!! 
Many of you know that I am an aspiring writer & have recently finished my first fiction novel. Thus far, I'm thinking maybe this experience was the making of a good book! Hmmmm...now there's a thought! 
Until next time.....Dawn
But is it me or does Season 8 seem a little over the top? I've read & heard all the various conspiracy theories from season's past regarding everything from the contestants to how they were voted off. This year I've tuned in like I have in year's past & usually by this stage in the competition I have a really good feeling about the show. This year I am just not getting that. I feel like something is missing.
Undoubtedly I believe this year has some of the best overall talent on the show of all past years combined. There are so many likable contestants. And yet, the show almost seems for me a bit boring. Maybe it is the fact that I simply don't have a favorite as of yet. I know being from NC I should be pulling for Anoop right? I do like Anoop & he's a great singer, but there is just something about the fact that he isn't a true American (regardless of whether or not he was born & bred here, he ultimately is another nationality...his parents come from another country) that doesn't fit the ideal model to the be AI winner when all is said & done. It's kinda like having Sanjaya in the mix a couple of season's ago. I don't understand why AI allows those from other nationalities to try out no matter if they are American citizens. I mean the show is called American Idol after all. (But that's another blog post for another day.)
The show just bothers me this year. So why do I watch you ask? Well, it has kinda become a tradition to watch the show & like so many others, I just have to watch to see what is going to happen next. But so far, I've been more irked at some of the outcomes than I have been happy. And it goes without saying that more than ever before, I am convinced that AI is rigged. I mean, really, how do we know that the votes each week truly count or are the determining factor as to who stays & who gets booted. It's no secret that the judges have a tremendous amount of pull on swaying voters towards their personal favorites.
Let's start with new "Judges Save" rule that has been implemented into the competition this year. And let's also begin with Alexis Grace. I think most folks were shocked to learn she was not only in the bottom 3 last week, but the very one who received the lowest number of votes & was sent home packing after the judges decided not to use their "Judges Save" to well, save her. I really tried to assess how she could have gotten booted off so early in the season. I mean I agree her song choice was not the best one for her. I could almost have seen her doing a bang-up job of "Fancy" by Reba McEntire. I think she would have kicked butt after the previous weeks' performance during Michael Jackson week with "Dirty Diana".
But for me it did leave me questioning why she was let go so early. I had heard the speculation earlier in the week about an AI staffer 'leaking' to the press who the judges Top 4 picks were. Alexis Grace was among the 4. So why didn't they save her? Was it to refute the rumors & show viewers that the show was not, in fact rigged? Or was it that she simply was not the best of the best? I highly doubt it was the latter. It was a no brainer that they would not use their "Judges Save" so early on in the competition so ultimately viewers knew Alexis Grace's fate when all was said & done.
Now let's talk about this week. I was short of being appalled when I saw Matt Giraud in the bottom 3. What??? I couldn't believe it. He nailed that Marvin Gaye tune, made Smokey Robinson proud, & kicked off the show in ways that hadn't been done before. Let's not forget the guy has got an awesome voice. But with all that, he is being overlooked or perhaps overshadowed by some of the other more prominent talents in the competition. He is definitely one of the judges favs, although apparently not a fan fav.
Let's move on to Adam Lambert. Never before in all my years of watching the show have I disliked a front-runner more. Usually the front-runner is an overwhelming fan favorite early on & it stays that way until the end of the season. But I just don't get what the hype over Adam Lambert is all about. Somehow I don't think he's an overall fan favorite. I won't deny he is an immense talent. But then I guess anyone with a background in musical theater could fare just as well. He does have amazing vocals & can hit notes along the same lines of Mariah Carey and the like. But do I want him as my next American Idol? No, not by a long shot. His presentation each week bothers me. Simon put it best after Lambert's performance of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" that it was 'indulgent rubbish'. Lambert comes off each week as being indulgent, cocky & over-confident. His gothic looks bother me. Call me old fashioned, but he scares me that should he become our next American Idol that his musical style will be likened to that of Marilyn Manson meets porn star meets Satan meets the depths of Hell. There is just something about anyone that wins over multitudes of folks & has them almost bowing down to them that makes me nervous. (Kinda reminds me of our current President!) Yikes...my apologies to those Obama supporters out there. (Again, another blog post for another day.)
So what is this season truly all about? I can't decide if the show is trying to 'shake' things up a bit by throwing in an element of surprise each week to give viewers a moment of suspense. It might be a little more believable & realistic-like had they chosen someone like Megan Joy to put on the chopping block or fan favorite, Scott Macintyre this early in the season. But last week Alexis Grace was sent home way too soon. And this week Matt Giraud was holding his breath for what seemed like an eternity to find out his fate. The look of disbelief on his face said it all, didn't it? I think he was as appalled by the whole thing as much as the viewers were. 
I'm disgusted enough at this point to want to discontinue watching, yet, I feel compelled to watch because I dislike the very controversial Adam Lambert enough to do so just to see if he finds himself in the bottom 3. Although not likely, should he get booted then we will all know the show is definitely staged & solely on tv for the purpose of bringing good entertainment to viewers everywhere. To believe that he could actually be voted off by the viewers is a stretch at this point.
Recently, I heard that on Valentine's Day, 70% of couples don't have sex. This was quite astonishing as most would assume that Valentine's Day would be the one day throughout the year that couples are 'doing it'. But not so! Apparently, because of the pressure put on the guy to produce that unforgettable Valentine's Day for his beloved that when he falls short, the last thing the gal wants to do is have sex.
So why all the hype? Do we really need a day during the year to remind us of how much we love someone? Shouldn't that be an everyday thing anyway? It would certainly seem so, however, that isn't always the case. For most, it is very difficult to share how we feel with those we love most in our lives. Valentine's Day is that one day a year when it makes opening ourselves up to expressing feelings & emotions (outside of the bedroom) politically correct and completely acceptable. 
But relationships shouldn't just be about special days alone. Relationships give us opportunity to grow and learn about another person on so many levels. And if we are investing in the relationship in the right way, it becomes part of our daily lives and should never be reserved strictly for a designated holiday about love. The special days that commemorate our relationships should be just that...special. Those days in particular give us pause for reflection of the memories made and shared with that special one in our lives. Every day should be spent showing and sharing our thoughts and feelings with one another.
